Thrush

My baby's got thrush. It was just barely there when the doctor pointed it out and now 10 DAYS after giving her medicine (Nystatin) it is worse than ever. On top of that I think I got it too :( Actually I know. It stings like it did when I just started breastfeeding. 

On a funnier note: she has this funny thing she does when she is asleep or falling asleep. She rubs her nose back and forth over and over until she gets comfortable which is usually smashed against my arm somehow :) 

What a doll. If only I could get this nasty yeast infection to leave us alone. 

My Angel

She woke up happy!!!

And she stayed that way for at least an hour only to be interrupted by a messy diaper. Once that was resolved she went back to being an angel! 

 I'm still not sure what we did to deserve this but I am so very happy to see my little one happy.

Perhaps she'll grow out of it after all. 

Bad Mom

You know all those times growing up when you calmed a baby by yourself or had fun playing toys with them or helped teach them to be good and some one told you that "you'll be such a good mom when you grow up!"

Good mom? Bad mom? Who's the judge??

Sometimes I feel like a bad mom: I eat something that gives my baby gas and she cries, I let her over eat and she spits up and cries, I can't get her to eat, I can't get her to sleep, etc. 

Or! When I do things that others deem as wrong: use media to entertain, feed her formula when I am trying to breastfeed exclusively, let her chew on my fingers, etc. 

Truth is, I've never been a mom and she's never been a baby. And while other people have more experience and great ideas, my situation is so unique--everyone's is. We cannot compare our success as a parent to those around us,

Sometimes it seems like all I want is to make her happy.  

If only that were simple :) 

Blank Tape

During an interview with a church leader he mentioned: 

"It doesn't take long before you realize they don't come as blank tapes."

I always knew that I suppose, but every now and then when I look in her eyes I KNOW it's true. 

This is a beautiful human being I am dealing with! She is curious and knows things and likes things and dislikes other things.

I love that each day I get to know her just a little bit more :) 

Real Life

It's been a rough one. More than once today my sweet angel screamed inconsolably--she wouldn't even eat. 

Most thankfully I have never even thought for a second of hurting her, it isn't her fault. 

However I realized today that I have thoughts that hurt me and my husband. Not all hurting is physical.

After so much fussiness my nerves are shot (I sound like Mrs Bennett) and I get so frustrated at little things. Unfortunately my poor husband has to put up with not only a screaming child but an extremely irritable mama that doesn't say much of anything nice. 

I am so glad tomorrow is Sunday. 

Small Miracles

So I decided to write today because of a miracle, or perhaps a couple miracles.

I woke up this morning at 4:55 AM in pain because I hadn't fed her. She was still asleep!!  That was the first miracle, the next was that I was in pain.

I have had quite a hard time producing enough milk to keep my baby happy. Thankfully she is growing so I know its OK but I know sometimes she wants more than I have. I got a great and very expensive pump knowing that I would be going back to school in a few months and that my babe would need food but have previously only been able to pump .5 oz at a time.

I have tried over and over and over to get more than that and had only succeeded once in pumping about .75 oz. This morning I pumped 2.5 oz!!! YAY!!! And all this time I thought the pump had a problem (I still think it might).

So, maybe that's TMI, but I was so excited that I couldn't get back to sleep. And I couldn't wait to tell my husband so yes, I woke him up too.

And after all of that my baby was still sound asleep in her bed. 6 hours after I put her down.

She didn't wake up for another hour. 

New Beginnings

And so I have returned three years later to my trusty blog! So much has happened but I'll make this short, I have things to write:

• Mission to Jacksonville 
• sickness brought me home just at the right time to:
• Wed my true love
• Pursued my life long dream of hair school while pursuing my other dream of motherhood
• First attempt ended abruptly in a horrific accident that I will think about every day for the rest of my life
• Number two came 11 months and two days later with a pair of incredibly strong lungs and a whole slew of adventures I never faced before. 

Her name is Adelina