Sometimes, change stinks.  I was just fitting in here and now I am going again. 

But, change changes me.  I am going to be a better person.

2 Years

I lived almost two years of my existence in a small town called Rexburg, Idaho.  This place was one of many adventures, wonderful people, unforgettable friends, oh yeah, and school :)  Here are some memories!

 

The squirrels were everywhere!  All over campus and I found this lovely one just hanging out outside my work :)  Funny fellow. 

Silly girls :)

...

So.  I am going on a mission.

I am scared to death,

but more excited than I have

ever been in my life!

What an adventure.

Boo yah.

FALL!!!

angles

 There is something to say for angles.  In photography, angles capture different things, focus on different things, bring new and important things to light.  In life, temples seem to do the same thing.  They help keep important things in the light.  They help keep our focus on those things that are most beautiful.  I am grateful for temples!

Frozen Lakeside

Provo 215

It was a miracle that we found the church house in the first place.  Nestled very nicely in the middle of a terribly designed neighborhood so that a road in may not be a road out, the chapel was appropriately dubbed "the Hidden Chapel."

AK and I walked in hesitantly because we were here for a singles ward and the parking lot was full of mini vans with car seats.  This was my first week in Provo and AK's first week at a singles ward ever!  I knew we were in for a treat :)

We sat down as the choir was finishing up a pre-performance practice and breathed sighs of relief, now sure that this was the right place.  I looked around obviously scoping as I have been well trained to do in a singles ward.  So far nothing was too different that my singles ward back home although I noted a lot of differences from my wards in Rexburg--this was the first student ward I had ever gone to that didn't require men to be clean shaven, and I will admit it took me by surprise more than I thought.
Anyway, normal people dressed in normal clothes, all seeming to be good friends, I knew this would be great.  And then the meeting started.

Brother P was conducting and I could not believe my ears, we were fifteen minutes into the meeting before we even sang the opening song!  And then another 10 before the sacrament was administered!  I had no idea how that happened or anything that he said in particular, but I was tapping my foot and glancing at the clock, and no one else seemed to be.  Was this a normal occurrence?

When the speakers finally began their talks I was struck with the Spirit.  They spoke directly too me.  The bishopric had asked them to speak on change and although that may seem like a topic that is covered often, I never needed it more.  I felt Heavenly Father reach down through me and tell me that this was going to be ok and that I was in the right place.  In fact, I believe both speakers mentioned "each of us has a reason to be in this ward."

That theme didn't end with the benediction.  As all new members are, AK and I were invited to a "New Member Meeting."  This is always held after sacrament meeting in the place of Sunday school.  I was very impressed and grateful for the interest that the bishopric seemed to have in meeting my friend and I and already I felt like an important person, not to be overlooked.  The meeting began with an introduction of the bishopric, previous members of the ward, and then all the new people.  After introductions the bishop asked some of the previous members of the ward to tell us about the ward.

"This ward changed my life."  "I have never been in a ward like this."  "I have never grown so much in a ward."  "When I first moved in, I didn't like it, and then I started to do what the bishop asked and it changed my life."

If you, reader, are at all confused you can imagine how I felt, skeptical in the first place having moved from my Utopia Rexburg to Provo.  How did the bishop have to pay these people to give such convincing testimonies? Were they just being dramatic?  It didn't take long for me to find out at least part of the answer.

"We call them SPIRITUAL PUSH-UPS" someone said as we all received two papers.  On the front page there was a list of 7 tasks specifically assigned by our bishop, the spiritual push-ups, and on the back had a page from Preach My Gospel on which one could analyze his or her Christlike Attributes.  The last page, both sides, was a page for us to set and record the progress of specific goals we were to make.

There was no doubt about it, this bishop meant business.  If I moved to Provo for nothing else, I knew it was to be in this ward where progression was a norm.  This ward was not OK with mediocrity but were motivated and busy trying to become better.  I felt the truth of his words when the bishop spoke "There is a specific reason that each of you is in this ward, at this time."

This is why I love driving home at sunset!

So I know they are all of the same sky, but I feel like each picture has significant artistic differences.  Pick your favorite! :)

Also, the windshield was a little bit dirty today.  I still couldn't resist.  I'll edit them eventually.

Sunset on Cottonwood

Driving :)

Beautiful day at the quarry!

Winter in April

More from the story.

I had a couple trials in my life that I can just plainly see that I am a better person because of them. One in particular happened the summer before my senior year. This indescribable wave of depression hit me, hard. For days, I only felt pain. I only felt a sadness that would not go away. I was smart enough to count my blessings and pray for help to be happy, but nothing seemed to work. I cried enough tears in those two weeks to supply my whole town with drinking water. Everything brought tears. I felt as though I were drowning in an ocean of sorrow. There was no way up.

In another incident, I recall being physically suffocated. I had Strep so bad that I could not eat or drink for three days. Just trying to drink a tiny bit of water made me cry- which hurt worse. My voice was strained because I couldn’t get very much air between my tonsils which had grown to the size of a golf ball. That too brought many tears. I love food! Skipping one or two meals was hard enough.

In both incidents I learned important lessons. When I experienced that random phase of depression, I learned mostly empathy. I have never once looked down upon the clinically depressed or suicide victims ever since. I can now understand how a person can live a life full of blessings, and still not be happy. When depression is real, it is real and it cannot be pushed off very easily.

When I had Strep, I learned to appreciate the things I was given. I was so grateful for the doctor who gave me steroids so I could breath again. I was grateful for food! And for a throat that could swallow. I was grateful for my mother. I was grateful for the Holy Ghost and the comfort it brought me. I was grateful for my dog. I took a nap once, before I was on steroids, and I was woken up when my dog licked me in my mouth. Yes, that sounds absolutely disgusting, but I cannot help but wonder what would have happened if she hadn’t. Could I have stopped breathing? My throat was so swollen, could my subconscious not get enough air to support my sick and underfed body? My fever was raging, my mouth was dry. I will forever be grateful for that disgusting miracle performed by my dog.

I have never told anyone that story, and I cannot be sure why. Perhaps it is because it is disgusting. Maybe it is because I don’t think anyone will believe me, or they think that I am being too dramatic. Who knows, I could be making it all up. But I do believe, with all my heart that Sadie saved my life that day.

The Beginning

Just FYI, some pictures are incredibly random. I take joy in finding beauty in things that most people don't. Plus, I just have a strange sense of beauty.

Not Forgotten

Dear Blog (that I have not posted on for.... almost 3 years?),

I have contracted a new disease with which I experience great anxiety when I see something amazing, until I have taken a picture of it. My trusty phone with a camera has been most helpful in relieving this anxiety. However, no one will see my phone. You are now the designated show :)

Thank you for being so patient and here :)

Love,

Me